Thursday, January 1, 2015
The evening last night was thick with the anticipation of many of us, waiting for first day of the next year to finally arrive. And it's here... it's 2015. Now what? What makes today different than any other? What makes this day different than any other January 1st that has ever arrived before? For me, I have one word that keeps speaking to me... Ownership.
By definition, ownership is the act, right or state of possessing something. Well, what if that "something" happens to be that which you do not want? Or even that which you do not want to admit is yours? I spoke in my last entry about life being a presentation of a series of chances and choices. And our life's path gets marked out by the decisions we make concerning those. The beautiful thing I like to focus on, is that at ANY given moment, we can take action and embark on a new path. We don't have to settle for the way things have always been, and we don't have to believe the lie that we are incapable of change, just because, "that's just who I am."
My personal January 1st will be filled with a few normal things. Externally, we will take down the tree and decorations and put them away for a new holiday season that is 12 months away. I will work on some laundry, do some piled up and smelly dishes, probably have a minor scuffle with my kids about their rooms being cleaned, try to make sense of my home-office and do some much needed filing... and I will make a trip to the gym. Seems like a pretty run of the mill, ordinary, mundane day. Nothing to profound and incredible going on here!
Ah, but internally... that's a whole other story unfolding. You see, today... I woke up and got on the scale, to find myself 10 lbs. heavier than I was on my wedding day, just 7 Saturdays ago. I have gained and lost these same 10 lbs. now since 2012. And admittedly, I have not been comfortable in my own skin since about 2009. So I have a choice to make... am I going to let yet another year go by in which I allow myself to believe the lie that, "that's just who I am." OR, am I actually going to stop giving myself good lip service and do something about it? The daunting thing about it, is that first, I have to go about losing those same 10 lbs. again that I have lost so many times before... and this time... go beyond it and get back on the path to a healthy lifestyle. It will only be accomplished through the act of showing up every day and claiming ownership of the things that I say that I want.
I wanted to have an entry about this, because I know that I am not alone. I know that someone else out there today, wants to change. Emotionally, physically, mentally, spiritually, relationally, financially... WE ALL DESIRE SOME FORM OF BETTERMENT. Often times, in all these areas at once. But sometimes, we just have to pick one and start somewhere! I know when I get overwhelmed, I shut down and do nothing... and Lord knows, THAT'S not helping ANYONE! :)
So today, I take Ownership of this: I have struggled with stress eating, I have struggled with an addiction to all things sweet in the world, I have struggled with self-confidence because of some imaginary standard I have allowed culture to put in my head about what I should look like... but I am not going to lie to you and say that it wouldn't be nice to look "like that." I have struggled with being consistent and being a woman of my word. BUT, this doesn't have to be where it ends. And sometimes being public with things means you step out and gain people who will hold you accountable to what you say you want to accomplish... That's a risk I am willing to take.
OWNERSHIP: January 1, 2015 > I am 5'2" > I am 194 lbs. of a kindhearted, spiritual, positive, compassionate, loving, strong and beautiful woman... who is a new wife and a heck of a mom. This number on the scale isn't indicative, in ANY way, of the value I bring to people's lives and the encouragement I can give to someone. It is an indication of the amount of gravity pull I have on the earth. I just want to make it lower so my dang back doesn't hurt all the time anymore!
Cheers to your own new year! What are you going to take ownership of?
Until the next dose,